Relationship breakdown

for OFF DUTY and leisure topics: so chat about whatever you like except issues that should go into areas above this

Moderator: Chryo

Peppa
Executive Member
Executive Member
Posts: 174
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 12:05 pm

Relationship breakdown

Post by Peppa » Sat Oct 28, 2017 12:28 pm

I’m not sure whether I’m being completely naive but as my application is progressing my partner of nearly 2 years is voicing concerns of how shift patterns will affect our relationship.
I get it will take more planning but surely not unachievable ??

User avatar
falkor
Navigator
Navigator
Posts: 4894
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2007 1:26 pm
Alignment: 'Shade'
Location: Surrey

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by falkor » Sat Oct 28, 2017 12:37 pm

shift patterns like those used in prison service or police add up to partners actually spending less time together

for example THE NIGHT SHIFT aspect is often the worst, if your partner is actually at home during the day when you're doing Nights they have to be as quiet as a mouse to allow your sleep etc and that is just the tip of the iceberg. working shifts will test your relationship with your partner - speaking from experience I think it is easier the younger the 2 people are because mostly they're "stronger" healthwise etc

Anyway I am sure you will pull through it Peppa, what concerns are they voicing anyway? :sltgn:

Peppa
Executive Member
Executive Member
Posts: 174
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by Peppa » Sat Oct 28, 2017 12:49 pm

I work in education, my hours are 8.45-3.45 on a good day , he’s a manager so his hours are longer but also means he has to work until late evening or go in really early some mornings. We don’t live together our homes are 30 minuets drive apart.

I think now reality is kicking in he’s panicking and thinking of a 101 reasons why our relationship can’t work, the major one being my chosen profession.

I know in lots of jobs where you work closely with colleagues and are effectively locked away from the outside world , relationships can suffer but apparently “it’s written on the wall” 🙄

User avatar
Karen47
Counsellor
Counsellor
Posts: 650
Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2017 9:51 am

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by Karen47 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:03 pm

I think you'll just have to 'roll with it' I've always worked shifts so any shift pattern isn't an issue for me plus I have no commitments which obviously helps. I think it's often looking after the kids etc that causes the biggest issues from what I've Witnessed.
I think any job like this is most definitely going to challenge you as a person & that in turn could change things, but change is sometimes good :slbg:
RAD 13/06. Pass result 14/06 :slyay: . Merit listed 20/06. Applied 2nd establishment 24/06, POST test passed 26/06. Conditional offer 11/07. Vetting starts 12/07. Passed vetting 30/10. Poelt 08/01 :slyay:

Peppa
Executive Member
Executive Member
Posts: 174
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by Peppa » Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:08 pm

I think you’re right Karen, I just think it’s a shame that I was encouraged to go for it but now it’s a major issue! Men are so fickle 😜

mpeng82
Official Member
Official Member
Posts: 80
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:44 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by mpeng82 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:20 pm

sounds like you have a few challenges but essentially seems like your partner has been supportive with your change in career.

perhaps he is just worried now the lightbulb has come on and you are nearing employeement in the prison service.

i think you have already faced hurdles that perhaps you have forgotten or dont realise.

you have already commented on 30mins drive from each other and already difference in shifts that you both do.

im sure there are many more hurdles that you have jumped over if you think back.

essentially though, with give and take on each side im sure it will work.

Peppa
Executive Member
Executive Member
Posts: 174
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by Peppa » Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:25 pm

It’s more his issue than mine, maybe it’s just his get out clause? But it’s certainly wobbling him a lot

Burtonboy
Executive Member
Executive Member
Posts: 177
Joined: Wed Sep 20, 2017 5:04 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by Burtonboy » Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:31 pm

I’ve always worked shifts, the OH works 9-5, the only real difference for me will be the weekend working, I’ve worked weekends in the past as overtime, but this will be my first job when they’re part of my rotation.

Peppa
Executive Member
Executive Member
Posts: 174
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by Peppa » Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:39 pm

Thanks for your replies, I guess what will be will be , although I think I’m getting a bit old to keep starting again :slm:

mpeng82
Official Member
Official Member
Posts: 80
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:44 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by mpeng82 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:54 pm

Peppa wrote:
Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:25 pm
It’s more his issue than mine, maybe it’s just his get out clause? But it’s certainly wobbling him a lot
im sure thst not it, perhaps its going from seeing you a lot to perhaps in his eyes a lot less

mpeng82
Official Member
Official Member
Posts: 80
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:44 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by mpeng82 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:55 pm

Peppa wrote:
Sat Oct 28, 2017 1:39 pm
Thanks for your replies, I guess what will be will be , although I think I’m getting a bit old to keep starting again :slm:
im sure 6 months in you'll both be together

User avatar
Karen47
Counsellor
Counsellor
Posts: 650
Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2017 9:51 am

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by Karen47 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 2:21 pm

It sounds as though he has issues not you, so let them be just that.....his issues. You're not there to reassure him, if you're meant to be together you'll stay together. And you're never too old to start again, life is to be lived and enjoyed at any age :slcu:
RAD 13/06. Pass result 14/06 :slyay: . Merit listed 20/06. Applied 2nd establishment 24/06, POST test passed 26/06. Conditional offer 11/07. Vetting starts 12/07. Passed vetting 30/10. Poelt 08/01 :slyay:

User avatar
SgtBush
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts: 1034
Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2016 5:00 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by SgtBush » Sat Oct 28, 2017 2:23 pm

Their is no doubt that shift patterns and the nature of the job can and often do create relationship issues when one person is not in the job.
When you get home and have dealt with a prisoner cutting up and you've had to go in kitted up and restrain them for their own safely and its taken 12 odd hours and your 3 hours over shift and you need someone to talk to that 100% understands what your going through....
And your partner doesn't have a clue its tough.

Doing shifts and working every other weekend

Doing nights at 11 hour shifts for 7 days not knowing what day it Is by day 4.

If your relationship is not as solid as solid can be there is a possibility of breakdown.
The divorce rate in the prison service is significantly higher than the average.

RaspaWas
Registered Member
Registered Member
Posts: 45
Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2017 8:51 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by RaspaWas » Sat Oct 28, 2017 4:22 pm

I had similar worries due to my upcoming shifts in the job. Currently I've had the luxury of two days, two nights, four off so it'll be a total change. With two children it was a decision I had to make, but the bottom line was it is too good an opportunity to turn down. Working around it is the only option, and one that I'm confident will work for everyone - ex wife, children and my girlfriend. It's rock n roll innit. Additionally, after 26 weeks I will be able to apply for work-life balance.

Peppa
Executive Member
Executive Member
Posts: 174
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 12:05 pm

Re: Relationship breakdown

Post by Peppa » Sat Oct 28, 2017 4:26 pm

Hope it works out for you.

I think mine has alaready made up his mind and I’ve only just started vetting, seems like a lame cop out to me but I’m not arguing the toss anymore. :sloo:

Post Reply Previous topicNext topic